Part II
Selective Miserliness
The so-called miser may surprise everyone at times. The same
mother who saves on buying a dress for her child, and is
regularly getting help from gemachim, might suddenly
give very expensive presents at a simcha. Or the same
family which is known for its extreme caution in spending,
might surprise us by the fact that the parents always use
taxis for transportation. This phenomenon is found among
families of limited means, which, for some reason, will
spend illogically for certain things. For instance: using a
private doctor for common health problems, going on
expensive vacations, making a costly bar mitzva or wedding
and so on. How can we explain this?
Let's judge according to what Chazal tell us, by giving the
benefit of the doubt. First of all, we don't always know
what lies behind this unusual behavior. There might even be
a simple explanation. For instance, someone who might feel
nauseous on bus rides will decide to use taxis instead, or
it might have to do with religious sensitivities (re: the
people who ride on buses). Sometimes the explanation is
linked to a family's past history. Parents who came from a
deprived background and remember with aversion the too
simple bar mitzva or wedding their parents made for them
will decide that for their own children, they really must
have a lavish affair. They may not even ask the children if
they actually need it! The same applies for toys people buy
their children.
Many Holocaust survivors, who suffered terrible deprivation,
consider every piece of bread a priceless treasure and waste
an unforgivable sin. This legacy is passed on to their
children who, in this generation, fail to see the importance
of finishing every crumb of bread.
Certain families are convinced that only a private doctor
can be trusted and, whether right or wrong, this belief is
held strongly by all members of the same family.
Every person has different principles and therefore,
preferences. If a certain family is careful about spending
in all areas except one, then that must be their special
preference.
Stinginess Which Leads to Waste
Sometimes, a person thinks he is saving and because he has
not properly weighed the matter, he may end up actually
wasting money. There are many instances of this absurd
behavior, such as:
* the driver who drives around town for hours looking for a
space so that he won't have to put money in the parking
meter
* the housewife who travels to town to buy at sales or the
open market without realizing that the cost of the item
would be same at a local store if she calculated the price
of the bus, the babysitter and the loss of time
* the people who run to the large supermarkets at the other
end of town to buy several things on sale, but who, in the
meantime, are lured into buying many other attractive items.
After several shopping trips, they might realize their
mistake, but others continue to go after the bargains time
and again
It Doesn't Always Pay to Be Thrifty
Some people will save things for long periods of time,
afraid to throw out things which they may somehow need for
the future, such as: ten year old receipts (to prove that
they paid and won't have to pay again), expired guarantees,
old school noteboooks (maybe when their daughter grows up
and goes to seminary, she'll be able to use them to prepare
her lessons), the youngest child's clothing (well, time
flies and maybe the grandchildren will wear them) and so
on.
These collectors don't realize how much precious space all
these useless items take up in a small apartment and how
many drawers are allocated to store them. They're not aware
of the law of probability -- that if until now they didn't
need these items, chances are they won't need them in the
future. They also don't realize that even if they did need
them, it often would be easier and more convenient to buy
something firsthand. But it's hard to argue about lack of
space when people are convinced of the value of hoarding.
Recently we even heard about companies who play on this
weakness of collectors. They rent out special storerooms
where all these items can be stored and saved while charging
rents which bring in a tidy sum year after year.
The Other End of the Spectrum
Thriftiness often changes with time and with need. For
instance, a mother who used to take her small children on
the bus will decide that she didn't save that much,
considering the hassle and time involved, and will decide
that from now on, she'd rather take cabs when traveling.
A homemaker who used to make all her simchas by
herself might decide at a certain point that the time and
effort involved was not worth it, and choose to have her
affairs catered from now on, although there might be a
marked difference in price.
One mother told us that as a teenager, she used to save
every penny, until she had amassed several hundred dollars.
On one occasion, when she couldn't control herself, she
actually bought an ice cream, and for a long time
afterwards, could not forgive herself for this. Today, she
laughs at the episode. It really is possible for a person to
get over his miserliness.
Why Worry About Money When Life is More Important?
Miserliness is usually connected to money matters or its
usefulness. But our Sages warned us about this attitude.
"Man worries about the loss of his money and not the loss of
his days. But money doesn't help, and his days won't
return." Misers want to amass money, keep it, and avoid
wasting it, but they don't worry over every passing day;
these will never return and should, therefore, be hoarded,
that is, filled with good deeds, which is the currency
deposited in the eternal accounts of the World to Come.
Every day is a separate entity to be used purposefully,
otherwise it is lost forever.
Money comes and goes and experience shows us that it doesn't
buy everything. But our precious days, which are dearer than
gold, should be spent wisely and thoughtfully.
