"[Rabban Yochonon ben Zackai] said to [his talmidim:]
`Go out and discern which is the proper way to which a man
should cling.' R' Eliezer says: `A good eye' (Ovos
2:9)."
What is "a good eye"? There are diverse opinions among the
commentaries about the definition of "a good eye." Rabbenu
Ovadia of Bartenura explains that a person has a good eye
when he is satisfied with what he already has and does not
seek unnecessary extras. It does not matter to him that
another person has more than he has.
The Vilna Gaon comments that the "good eye" mentioned in the
Mishnah corresponds to what Shlomoh Hamelech writes
(Mishlei 22:9): "He who has a good eye shall be
blessed, for he gives of his bread to the poor."
A more thorough explanation is offered by HaRav Shamshon
Raphael Hirsch in his commentary on Pirkei Ovos
(Ateres Tzvi). In HaRav Hirsch's typically
captivating fashion, he explains that the trait of "a good
eye" is characterized by sincere concern about another human
being. This elevated person takes a loving interest in what
is happening to another being, his aspirations and his
material circumstances. In his "good eye" a brilliant light
of satisfaction glitters when he notices others doing well.
He seeks the well-being of others and is free of any
jealousy or resentment.
An innovative interpretation is given by the Tiferes
Yisroel on the Mishnayos. He claims that "a good
eye" means considering each person as good: the recognition
that we must try to see each other's good qualities.
Seeing the good in each person is explicitly mentioned in
Pirkei Ovos (1:6): "Yehoshua ben Perachyah says:
`Accept a teacher upon yourself, acquire a friend for
yourself, and judge all of a man (kol ho'odom)
meritoriously.' " The Mishnah does not write es
ho'odom meaning every man, but rather kol ho'odom
meaning all of the man. We must keep in mind all of
someone's commendable attributes when judging him. When we
do that we will look at him in an altogether different
light.
Actually, HaRav Chaim Shmuelevitz zt'l, the rosh
yeshiva of Mirrer Yeshiva, (Sichos Mussar, III,
Likras Yom Hadin) writes that Chazal (Shabbos
127b) are advising us that fulfilling this Mishnah is
the way to be saved from the frightful judgment of Rosh
Hashanah. "When we amplify this virtue within ourselves and
judge others favorably, we will be zocheh for Hashem
to judge us, too, favorably."
I believe this to be a fulfillment of the rule of "measure
for measure." When a person judges another unfavorably for
doing a certain seemingly bad act and considers "all of that
man" to be unworthy; when he does not judge the other
favorably because he does not take into consideration the
zechuyos he has because of the good deeds that he has
also done; then HaKodosh Boruch Hu looks at this man
in the same way that he looks at others -- and every person
sins sometimes. Hashem looks at this person's "all of the
man" in an unfavorable way, just as this man looked at the
person he is complaining about.
When, on the other hand, a person judges another favorably,
and sees "all of the man," which includes his virtuous deed,
HaKodosh Boruch Hu too judges him favorably as "all
of a man": He judges him together with his good deeds.
I once heard the mashgiach of a yeshiva
gedoloh in Eretz Yisroel point out how terrible
loshon hora is. Every person in the world has his own
faults, his own failings in avodas Hashem. Yet when
someone hears about another's aveiroh, that person
has, in his opinion, turned into another, entirely different
creature. The person who told the loshon hora has
managed to convert a person into another being
altogether.
It is possible that this person becoming a metzora
and being forced to sit outside the camp of bnei
Yisroel is punishment "measure for measure" for speaking
loshon hora. Even others who are tomei cannot
be together with him, and he himself must warn them not to
come near him. Because of his having spoken loshon
hora, he caused someone to be looked at altogether
differently, and is punished by being himself turned into a
different creature than what he was. When he is outside the
camp of bnei Yisroel he will be better able to
reflect how to do teshuvah and how to return to his
old essential nature. Meanwhile he must with his own mouth
tell others, through his power of speech, which he so
shockingly misused, not to come close to him, to his
essential evil.
@Big Let Body=This matter of "a good eye" and the obligation
to judge "all of a man" favorably is strongly relevant
between fathers and children and between educators and
students. It is surely unproductive to overlook bad deeds
committed by children and students. On the other hand, when
criticizing them one must also see what is praiseworthy in
them. Such a rebuke has an altogether different influence
than an exclusively negative one. A person must consider a
thousand times before saying something that might insult a
child. Verbal abuse can leave an incurable scar in a child,
one that will continually interfere with his development.
It happened once that the person in charge of deciding about
a matter directly pertaining to the entire chareidi public
in Eretz Yisroel was a person who had once been frum
but later abandoned Yiddishkeit. When some former
friends from his class in cheder approached him
concerning this matter, he told them he could never forget
how his teacher had shamed him when he asked to be
transferred to a higher class. It so grieved him that it
caused his eventual abandoning of our camp, Rachmono
litzlan.
As the Chut HaMeshulash tells, when the Chasam Sofer
was four years old he came home from cheder enraged.
His father asked him what had happened and the Chasam Sofer
answered that his melamed had punished him: He had
hit him because he asked a question on parshas
Bereishis twice. Since the child's question was
justified the melamed's behavior greatly angered and
troubled the father. He was worried that the
melamed's strictness might cause the Chasam Sofer,
who was destined to be a godol beTorah, to lose his
desire to study. HaRav Nosson Adler ordered the father to
teach his son himself so that this child- genius's
development not be harmed.
Another story about the Chasam Sofer told in the Chut
HaMeshulash is that his father once publicly rebuked his
son and slapped him on his cheek because he felt he was not
careful enough to honor his grandfather. R' Nosson Adler was
worried that this would interfere with the boy's development
and took him to his home. He ate at his table and grew up by
him.
I have cited these examples to show to what degree a person
must be conscientious about his reactions to what his
children and students do.
"The words of Hashem are pure words" (Tehillim 12:7).
"R' Yudan ben Menasheh said that even when HaKodosh
Boruch Hu began showing [the people] the signs of
tomei animals he began with their tohor signs.
The Torah does not say, `[You shall not eat of] the camel
because it does not have a cloven hoof'; it says, `[You
shall not eat of] the camel because it chews the cud but
does not have a cloven hoof' (starting with the signs of
tohoroh). Similarly with the rabbit, the Torah does
not write that it does not have a cloven hoof; it [starts]
by writing that it chews the cud; and so with the hare and
the swine, and that is what is meant by `The words of Hashem
are pure words' (Midrash Rabbah, Vayikra 26:1)."
This Midrash is teaching us that even when we want to
forbid something or criticize something, we should start by
stating the good side, so that all we say will be
tohor, just as "the words of Hashem are pure
words."
@Big Let Body=On this occasion I am also acting as a
representative for several parents who have asked me to
relay a straightforward request to melamdim and
educators. When parents ask about their children's progress,
even if the teacher has something negative to remark, he
should start off by describing the good he sees in the
child. Every child has some good quality! The teacher should
not leave the anguished parents with only a report about
what is bad in their children, without telling them of any
ray of light he sees in them. The teachers should first
speak of what is praiseworthy, and the parents will
afterwards use their child's strength to slowly change him
altogether.
A father once told me that after he heard the negative
opinion his son's teacher expressed about his son, he
adopted a unique way to help his son recognize himself and
his positive side. The father knew his son had a good voice,
and so at seudah shelishis he honored him with
leading the singing of all of the niggunim at the
table. This may seem something trivial, but that child saw
its "worth" and importance, and today is one of the best
talmidim in his yeshiva gedoloh.
I think this example can renew the hopes of parents. They
should direct their efforts into utilizing the good elements
their children possess, and through this approach teach the
children their worth so that they will employ all of their
talents properly.
Parents, please beware of using insulting expressions when
talking to your children. Think about how you are offending
them! A few years later you may chas vesholom see how
these insults have harmed your children, and then you may
have to search for a "special yeshiva" for them.
Not long ago I returned from a trip to Chutz La'aretz
during which I inspected a chareidi educational institution
in a well-known city. I also visited a special yeshiva for
boys who for some reason were dropouts from regular
yeshivos, where they did not fit in. As a result of my
conversations with the parents who came to see me, I came to
the conclusion that the parents could have avoided sending a
great many of these "problem children" to such special
yeshivos. The real cause for these children's failure was
unnecessary parental strictness. The parents themselves
admitted I was right, and said they regretted the way they
had treated their children when they were young and
impressionable.
During the decades that I have worked in education I have
seen numerous cases where, if a little effort had been
exerted at the right time, a radical change would have been
attained. In another article I will talk more at length
about this.
Chazal (Shabbos 111b) write: "Showing white teeth to
another person [i.e., smiling] is more important than giving
him milk to drink, as is written [concerning Yaakov Ovinu's
brochoh to Yehudah] that `his teeth white with milk'
(Bereishis 48:12)."
This principle pertains to our children and students, too.
Let us always show them "white teeth": be careful of their
feelings, see their good qualities, and put efforts into
improving them.
HaRav Yehoshua Shklar was niftar in Iyar 5779.
