I had a particularly hectic erev Pesach this past
year. For the entire two weeks before the Celebration of our
Freedom, people kept sending their children to knock at my
door.
What was all this coming and going, you ask?
Well, my friend Aviva (all pseudonyms) sent Moishele to
return my double boiler, for which I had been searching high
and low for several months.
And Bracha sent Sorele to return my favorite cookbook to me,
(which she wouldn't be needing for Pesach and) which I had
assumed I had inadvertently thrown away.
Goldie told her adorable Esty to apologize to me for taking
so long to return my Seforno Chumosh vol. I. Luckily, I had
already brought a replacement copy in the 1 1/2 year interim,
so now I have another copy which I can either give away or
open a Seforno Volume One Gemach, if I have the time to
advertise it.
And then, of course, there was Hadassa, who called to ask if
she had ever repaid the 200 shekel I had lent her eight
months ago (no, she hadn't) or the 5.30 I had lent her at the
supermarket last week so that she could pay for all her
purchases without having to return for that 5.30 shekel's
worth. (No, again.)
There are the neighbors who borrow eggs, flour and sugar and
oatmeal, Materna and Pampers, and my own children who borrow
clothes, seforim and bracelets. The overnight Shabbos
guests who permanently borrow the key to the front door, and
the friends who borrow Yateds and every item under the sun.
And, of course, the co-workers who get pens, scissors, tape,
staplers and colored magic markers on a I-never-meant-it-to-
be-a-permanent loan.
Yes, it is a mitzva to lend our belongings to others.
We are all happy to do it. And we all know that it is a small
way of showing Hashem how much we appreciate His bestowing so
many possessions on us.
But we shouldn't have a problem remembering to return those
items -- in the same state in which they were borrowed. Is it
truly a tremendous leap of the imagination to conceive of
wiping off each borrowed chair after sheva brochos
before they are returned?
Why do we occasionally have to remind people that they only
asked us to lend them money for a few days -- or ask people
if we can have the item they borrowed back weeks after it was
supposedly needed?
You think I jest? Just ask anyone with a lending library. I
once heard of someone returning a book twelve years later
without batting an eyelash. Small wonder that the dust jacket
was missing. It had probably disintegrated into dust...
Shouldn't we all get into the habit of writing down
everything we borrow as soon as it enters our home so that we
will not forget to return it? Shouldn't we train ourselves to
look at our "must return" list daily to see if anything
unnecessary is still on it?
I was trained to feel that a borrowed item was like "fire
burning in the house" and that the minute it was no longer
needed, it was to be returned.
A basic rule, then, should be that if an item was loaned for
a purpose, and that purpose has been completed, it is no
longer permitted to us. And that it is basic
menshlichkeit (decency) to thank the owner and to
apologize if it is not 100% in the state it was lent to
us.
Most amazing are those women who run out of at least one
ingredient -- late at night -- when they decide to cook
something. This happens several times a week! And just as she
forgets to replenish it for herself -- she forgets to return
it to me! Even more astounding is this selective memory which
does not inhibit her from yelling at Chayele in public for
her forgetting to give back the sandbox toy to Chaimke before
they leave the playground.
Then there are the Almost Returners. The ones who see you on
the street and ask, "Did I ever give you back the XX that I
borrowed?"
Then there are those who remember to repay debts when they
see you about to rush out of the grocery with Faigie's diaper
or nose dripping, and yelling that she wants to go home
"right now" while you grope for the change to pay the
cashier. The Considerate Ones say, "Here's a fifty. Give me
the change whenever you have time." Which puts the shoe on
the other foot. Now I have to burden MY conscience with
paying back that debt of fifty-minus-X. Thanks. The Not- So-
Considerate ones say in a sweet voice (read above scenario
again), "How much do I owe you?" and then look miffed when
you admit you don't remember at the moment. Or have the
change, if you do.
I have a great idea. Whenever you borrow money from someone,
why not immediately write his name on an envelope (you can
recycle a used one) with the amount on the inside flap. Put
it in a prominent place and as soon as you get the money to
repay, put it in the envelope. If you can't deliver it
immediately, then carry it around with you when you think you
will bump into them. That way, you will have the correct
amount all ready. To really do it right, write your name on
the envelope as well, so that the recipient will not have to
wrack his brain remembering who gave what.
A good way to remember to return items, perhaps right after
they are used, is to store them somewhere near the front door
so that the next person leaving can do it on his way. Or at
worst, that it should remain by the door as a conspicuous
reminder.
Using borrowed items responsibly and returning them promptly,
in the same state, is something basic that deserves family
attention, even occasionally at the Shabbos table. Instead of
"Rochele, please return this hammer to the Shains" we can
expand with "Rochele, I just finished using the Shain's
hammer. We must give it back right away. And thank them for
me." It might be a good idea for children to see their mother
doing this occasionally, herself, immediately, instead of
waiting for the right messenger-child!
If this article helps even one person catch herself before
saying, "Could I borrow six carrots? And please remind me
that I owe them. You know how I am...", then it will not have
been in vain.
----
Tzvia Ehrlich-Klein is the author of HAPPY HINTS FOR A
SUCCESSFUL ALIYA (Feldheim) and A CHILDREN'S TREASURY OF
SEPHARDIC TALES (Artscroll). She has also edited TO DWELL IN
THE PALACE (Feldheim), an anthology on life in Israel.
[Editor: We see that we cannot always rely on memory. A good
idea for recording the ins and outs of family possessions, as
well as important messages, is to have a diary notebook by
your telephone with a pen attached. You can register Borrowed-
Returned on a separate page, to be ticked off, or have each
day's transactions entered, with a highlight marker on items
you need to remember. These can then be crossed off when no
longer relevant.
An alternate idea for remembering important things is to take
a sheet of paper at the beginning of each week and fold in
half one way, and in thirds the other, to create six squares,
for the six weekdays, and taped near the phone. Appointments,
weddings, PTA meetings can be inserted in the proper square,
as well as things to remember, like returning books to
library or purchasing replenishments for borrowed things etc.
These pages can be kept in a looseleaf after use, if
necessary, or reminders updated in the upcoming sheet. I
think this idea comes from "All About Time" by Nechama Berg
and Chaya Levine.]
