One's first impression is that a father is obligated to teach
his son Torah when he is a child, but only until the age of
bar mitzvah. The father has the mitzvah upon him of, "You
shall teach [the words of Torah] to your sons"
(Devorim 11:169), but after his son has become a bar
mitzvah it would seem that this obligation is ended. Just as
with all mitzvos, the father must first perform them for his
son and afterwards, when the son becomes an adult, the
obligation passes to the mature son, so it should be with
this mitzvah too.
The acharonim, however, infer from the gemora
(Kiddushin 29a) that even after one's son is bar
mitzvah he is obligated to teach him Torah. The mishna
writes, "A father is obligated to make a mila for his
son, to make a pidyon for him, to teach him Torah, and
to marry him off." Just as the father's obligation to marry
off his son naturally applies when his son is already a
godol, so the duty to teach him Torah also still
applies when he is a godol. See the Minchas
Chinuch, who infers this chidush from that
gemora.
The Mishnas Rebbe Aharon of Maran HaRav Aharon Kotler
zt'l, the rosh yeshiva of Beis Midrash Govoha
of Lakewood, New Jersey, wrote (Part 1, Section 2, page 54,
"Veshinantom Levonecho") comments on the ruling of the
Shulchan Oruch (Yore Dei'ah 245:6) that, "It is
a mitzvah [for a father] to teach his son mishna, gemora,
halochos, and agodos." R' Aharon explains that
gemora does not mean mere superficial understanding.
The meaning is "to understand the reasons for the
halochos, the difficulties raised and the resolutions,
and to comprehend correctly most of the details."
This definition of gemora is similar to the
explanation given by Rashi in Eilu Metzi'os (33a, s.v.
shelimdo chochmah). HaRav Aharon Kotler cites in
connection to this what R' Yisroel of Salant (Or
Yisroel 18) writes: "The mishna and gemora
we study is like the mikra in the time of Chazal; the
seforim of the notable poskim, rishonim,
ve'achronim are like the mishna in the time of
Chazal; and the correct give-and- take needed to understand
the gemora, the rishonim, and the
acharonim and their principles is like the
gemora in the time of Chazal."
Up to now we have discussed the obligation incumbent upon a
father to personally teach his son Torah, but it is
explicitly written in the poskim that he is likewise
obligated "to hire a teacher if he has the financial means"
in order to teach his son. There is a mitzvah to hire a
teacher to teach his son mishna, gemora, halochos, and
agodos. The gemora (Beitzah 16a) even
adds that HaKodosh Boruch Hu promises us that He will
repay what a person spends for this, "since a man's
livelihood is fixed for him on Rosh Hashanah, except for
expenses for Shabbos and Yom Tov, and what it costs him to
teach his son Torah. Whatever a person adds for such
expenses, Heaven adds back to him." If he must employ a
melamed for his son, Hashem will compensate him for
his loss.
The Beis Yosef on the Tur (s.v. umei'eimosi) says even
more. He rules that we can "force" the father to pay someone
to teach his son. "We force a father to teach his son or hire
melamdim for his son, since this asei of `You
shall teach them to your sons' is no different from the
asei of Succah and lulav, which we force
the parents [to fulfill]."
As quoted from HaRav Aharon Kotler we are obligated to teach
our children "the correct give-and-take to understand the
gemora, the rishonim, and the acharonim
and their principles." This obligation, as explained at
length above, still applies when the son has matured. When a
father sends his son to yeshiva ketana or
gedola he is fully fulfilling this obligation as long
as the yeshiva succeeds in giving his son the kinyonim
of the Torah and a thorough understanding of his studies in
the way R' Yisroel outlined.
Nonetheless, every rule has its exceptions. There are boys
who, because of many and varied reasons, do not adjust
properly to their yeshiva. This can be because of
difficulties in finding the yeshiva that suits him, or for
endless other reasons. These difficulties arise primarily at
the beginning of the zman, and even though the boy
continues in the yeshiva ketana or gedola the
pleasantness of studying Torah has been lost for him. His
lack of enjoyment in his studies becomes known to the parents
only afterwards; and without a geshmak in Torah boys
often experience a breakdown.
The correct time for dealing with this problem is right at
its inception, by locating the obstacles that the boy cannot
overcome. The way of helping such a boy is to arrange for him
to study with a kollel student or with more competent
older boys studying in the same yeshiva who are paid to study
with him. When I was a boy studying at Yeshivas Lomza in
Petach Tikvah, it was not at all a disgrace when boys well
versed and accomplished in gemora were paid to study
with younger or less capable boys. These younger boys so
succeeded through this help that many later became prominent
talmidei chachomim and gedolei Torah
veyirah.
A father can know when it is necessary to take the proper
steps to prevent a breakdown or, cholila, spiritual
deterioration, only if he interests himself in his son's
progress, in the amount of yiras Shomayim he has, in
his middos, his relations with the other students, and
other important points. After knowing this, the father can
work together with the roshei yeshiva and mashgiach
and try to better the condition. How disturbing it is to
continually hear from heads of yeshivos and mashgichim
that parents show an appalling lack of interest. It
happens that even when years pass and the father finally
meets the rav or the mashgiach at various events, the
father does not find it necessary to ask about his son.
It happened that today, while I was writing this article, I
met a famous mashgiach. With evident and deep pain he
said that he had recently told a father that his son had
studied five years in the yeshiva without the father even
once asking about his son. You can be certain that this
father frequently looks through his bank account to see if he
is in the red or not. Why should his son's progress in the
yeshiva be less important? When a father does not know what
is happening with his son in the yeshiva he can surely not
help him even when he desperately needs help.
As we mentioned before, a father fulfills the mitzvah of
teaching Torah to his son even when his son is a
godol, through engaging someone to teach him Torah. If
the son is not studying properly in the yeshiva, if he is
wasting his time and this could have been prevented by the
father inquiring at the yeshiva about his son and searching
for ways to help him, he is not fulfilling this mitzvas
asei of studying Torah with his son.
Side assistance provided by studying with kollel
students and older boys can avert a spiritual decline caused
by a loss of interest in studies. If the father does nothing
in this direction and the boy deteriorates further, the
result is often that he must be enrolled in a special
yeshiva. We all understand how painful for a father this is.
If these boys had instead received the proper attention from
their parents when they started to decline in the
cheder or yeshiva ketana or gedola their
later frustration could have been prevented, along with large
financial expenses when their son needs special educational
institutions. I have seen this from my personal experience
over many years.
The gemora in Gittin says, "A time of emergency
is different [in terms of halocho]." We are now in "a time of
emergency," since society in general is continuously trying
to swallow us up. The only way to save our sons is to
permeate them with a will to study, with a real taste for
studying Torah. There are ways of doing that; there are many
who are willing to help -- but the parents must do their
share. They must interest themselves in their children's
achievements. They must pay more attention about what happens
after the yeshiva seder and what their son does
besides his studies. Fathers must seek advice from the
roshei yeshivos, the mashgichim, the
melamdim. "Hashem helps a person who tries to purify
himself" (Yoma 38b).
The above applies to parents of children in chadorim
and talmudei Torah too. The parents cannot entirely
rely on the melamdim. A father who studies more with
his son saturates him with more love and more of a feeling of
enjoyment in studying Torah. This makes it easier for him to
prepare for being in a yeshiva ketana. It is a real
pity that the parents do not utilize their opportunity
properly when their son is at home twenty-four hours a day,
before he has started studying in the yeshiva. During those
good years the father can enrich his son with the Torah's
radiance during his spare time, and implant in his son's
heart a deep root of ahavas Torah that will never be
torn out.
HaKodosh Boruch Hu placed in our hands a golden
treasure of children. It is our duty to watch over it!
